Today I saw my husband break down. This is very rare for him. Pretty normal for me since I am an ultra sensitive person. Today it scared me that he would totally quit on God. We both have had are moments and, but never have I seen him so serious about giving up in anger at god. I was able to really help though I think. But tonight I am alone as he is working- and how I feel by the betrayal of kids I gave to God, loved and nurtured, spent money I could have been using on vacation for myself is like a whole that if God does not mend I think I may never bear.
I Have 3 kids to go. Must my heart break until I die of a heart attack before it is over. Will the other three stab me and sear me, roast me over the coals like #1 and now #2 has done?. Not to mention my daughter n law that I loved as my own.turns her back on us all and throws us aside like a dirty piece of ripped cloth. Bruised hurt and broken.
Selfish. I am sorry God. I do not want it to be like this. I want them to love and put you first as I tried my hardest to teach them. I gave up so much to follow God and do for them. Many would never even believe the afflictions and trials I have had since salvation. Maybe if they really understood that, they would have more respect. Think twice about the hurt they cause their mom to the point they even have broken their Father's heart who provided the roof, the food the toys while growing up. Took them on his tractor. took them on his truck jobs. Fished and hunted and attended their sports games.
Tonight I cannot wait for heaven.
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