A Rant

I do not like to complain much. I would rather be an encourager and exhorter. Pray for others. Lift the down trodden. Stir other up to faith and keep em moving in the race. but today was so hard.
Started last night with disbelief in God. I am sick, I have digestion stuff everyone else got to lay around with last week, I do not get that option. Unless I am so sick I am bedridden and will take something major, I still do my normal stuff or it will be there if I let loose. My kids do chores, but unless I make sure they do them. forget it. I am also not the type to stand for sitting, So boring to me. I also am having bad breathing problems since I went where my husband works for thanksgiving. I torqued up on asthma meds before going, but either they had no cleaned very well or taht stuff was in the air, but have not been able to lay and sleep at night since. On top of my normal meds I am having to take piles of drugs. I have bad depression and it is hitting also. so more drugs. Between the drugs, lack of sleep, the fibromyalgia stuff and other afflictions I am pretty ready to lie down in a corner and give up. Usually my choleric personality pulls me up, but today I had bad anxiety. fear anxiety. The worst. Not normal fear. I am afraid of hardly anything and God has worked this to good to get me fearless. This is a fear like ice going through your veins. I am usually afraid of the word of God, good stuff I love and need to fight with God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love and of a sound mind. I could not even read the Bible posts that help on my group this morning.How I claimed that in 97 when it took me over. I had to take medication. medication at 8 a. m. when usually it is late in the day if I need any when the noise of my kids put me to a breaking point. And my 22 year old is here. I love him, but he was my hardest to deal with and even though he said his wife was a slob, I have to tell him to pick up or I have to do it. Annoying. I want to be a blessing to him after what his wife did to him, but it is extra confusion which takes all of God's grace to do with. the mental stuff I deal with.And though my husband has come far to wake up when you are struggling with doubts to hear him say: " Make's you want to join the kingdom crowd so you can have an easy life and the Devil will bless." When you want him to say something about "get back up again.." Why tempt you me? Come on we will finish the race. Jesus holds the prize. Join the apostate crowd and get blessed down here. I had never read a musing on a site I click and earn rewards, but this poem hit me off there- I have never paid attention to where I click to get points. But saw it. I may never notice this site again since I just earn clicks never sign up for stuff. (Though you do earn more points. It is hard to get rid of junk after you sign on.)


  Suffice it to Say  
A bleak picture of a wounded lamb,
Painted silently by a soft shelled clam.

Above the line, speaking through sand;
Tasting loud, but conspicuously bland.

A meal would fill her up, suffice it to say,
If only red turned blue and green to gray.

Melting butter being drawn with a pencil,
Hot food sliced thin, without a utensil.

A middle ground stepped in in silence;
Making waves of unnecessary violence.  I did not write this. Give credit to who did, but it is me today. The wounded lamb to me is the Saviour. My only hope.

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This is a great site to look up free domain icons I discovered stumbling.http://www.iconfinder.com/   The book picture is only one of many I found when I looked up Books.